The Hardest Time As A Single Parent

Is when your little one is sick.

Or you are sick.

Or, God forbid, you're both sick at the same time.

It's been a rugged 48 hours over here, Rumi's had a fever and has been crying pretty much non-stop. She's not sick-sick- her final 2yo molar is juuuust about to crack the gum (I can see the nasty fucker) and the poor little thing is feeeeeling it. I've been doing all the herbal/Homeopathic things and we've also had some kids nurofen in there when she's needed it.

It's been 24/7 monitoring, risk-assessing and deciding in each moment what the next best step is. Constantly worrying that I'm not doing enough or making the wrong call. She's woken muuuuultiple times a night for the last two nights, screaming each time she wakes. Naturally, I jolt out of sleep/bed. It's like some kind of intense sleep deprivation torture and honestly trying to function and make decisions has been hardddd; my eyes have been gritty all day and my body feels ancient.

Ahhhhh

There's beauty interwoven amongst the challenges too- so many cuddles, a skin-to-skin nap like when she was a newborn, watching her walk around trying to take her own temperature, shower cuddles and tonight before bed she put every hair clip and bow in our house on my head (hopefully a sign she's feeling better!)

She's so wonderful and beautiful and I'm the luckiest person alive. But I am also insanely exhausted and there are moments when the loneliness feels like yelling into a great, dark void. In my semi-conscious state I can almost see the cracks in our societal fabric and I can feel myself teetering on that edge and I wonder how many solo mamas are right there beside me.

(originally posted on Instagram 24/02/2021)